So this last week was all about excitement and attending my own book signings and being seen for what is the content of my heart space about life and living. The other work I did, when i was professional and talked about topics relevant to the workplace was a masking of who I am in my deepest safest place. This week that changed and all of me is out there and all I talk about is me. Often it is about the lines I draw or why on earth people colour in. Both have a similar answer…it is about joy and being present in that place of doing something that connects without words to the deepest places within us.

It is still a confronting thing for me to simply be seen. Confronting in a good way. I have to look at photos of myself and be open to happiness on my face without judgement of any kind. I have to be open to being judged because it is hard for some people to get their heads around the idea. It is confronting because it is so freeing and so open to be this visible. In the back of the book there is a picture of hands gently cupped in a resting pose. Open to being in life with a supporting hand for assurance and requiring a fair amount of trust to maintain the position because neither hand is holding the other.

Being seen is the reason that people give for obsessing about their appearance, wanting to control what others see. Even people who openly flaunt convention are controlling their projected image to the world in the hope that others will just take them at face value and not dig deeper or that they can choose carefully to minimise pain who gets close. We choose to present perfection when we believe that is what is wanted of us for acceptance and when that doesn’t work we try a different image. It is called matching out communication to the situation….choosing the genre of our speech to match the audience…it is all communication.

So here i sit all exposed like a flower that has fully bloomed in a sense. The reason a flower blooms is so its pollen can exposed to the insects: I like to think bees and butterflies are flitting around mine, that will pollinate the heart of the flower and it will do what it is meant to do. The flower will fade and become fruit, the fruit holding the seeds of the next season. It is what happens when we share our stories with other people. The risk of being seen, exposed is in being misunderstood or ignored but the blessing is far greater. Those that have the heart to see will find something in the images of my inner story that resonates with them or they appreciate and kindness will flow between us.

There are many people who look to see themselves in others, the mirror of their own ideas and definitions. It is a familiarity that allows connection. Some understand that when they look and listen to another they are not seeing themselves with their own experiences mimicked but a unique version of a different life. In what I did before it was in learning the ‘language’ of the individuals I worked with that allowed me to build trust and clear communication with the ‘clients’. I had to see who they were to be able to create the necessary programs to help them. Doing that required a suspension of self looking and the habit of simply looking in…seeing. We, all of us love it when we feel like another person has seen and heard our unique self.

To do that other job I didn’t need to let other people see me, only react in ways that they needed so that their needs could be met. It was never about me. It couldn’t be. I was working with individuals who could barely see themselves let alone me. It didn’t matter because in the end I can draw my own heart space and give my soul its voice and see myself. Now I am being seen and saying look at me. It is something. No perfection of appearance only as I am…when I pick up my pen and make that mark I see me and know I am.

The beauty of being a fully blooming flower…no need for perfection. If the edges of my petals are a but sunburnt and ragged from the wind. I am exactly as I am supposed to be because without being open the perfume of my being can’t be released to the air as the sun shines fully on me. Grateful for being.

Happy Day!

Sandy