Oh it is a glorious mess in my garden today. I have plan lots of them in my head, places the digging and moving will lead to but right now it is just a mess! It is time for all the dangerous cactus along my back fence to leave and another consideration of how to make a garden with the local council trees suck every little bit of moisture out of the ground so it resembles a desert more than lush suburbia. 

I know! It seems like a lot of work. And it is. I have the option to look at as a burden and I should not have dug out the first part which lead to the deconstruction of other parts…as you do…. OR I can just work on as I can an perceive it as playing to make pockets of beauty until it is finished and I move onto the front yard, which is truly a reflection of the limit of my gardening skills. 
Lots of people have been talking to me lately about life and achievement and worth. In the process of the conversations I have come to understand how I don’t see life and people in terms of assessment of place in life, choices or rightness. I just see them as people. I try to stay away from the ones that do things that my reaction to is sadness or hurt or revulsion. I try to have community with people who bring kindness and caring and positivity to my being. Life is not a problem that needs solving just a gift that needs living. 

I will relay that last bit again. This is my truth: Life is a gift that I get to live, it is not a problem I need to solve. A statement of my freedom to be messy and have dirty floors some days because there is something or someone that is more joy to my soul than that. My freedom to think and be as I am: entirely as I should be for today. I am not looking to improve myself to be someone else’s idea of right and successful….I am just myself. Life to me isn’t a sporting event, a school or a monumental challenge. Life is a gift and I get to live it in. in the end I will know the knowledge of a life time and right now, I have the knowledge and wisdom of half of one. It is enough to hold in play and still be able to smile….why would I want to burden myself with more than I need. 

Think about what we allow others and ourselves to tell us about our worth when we perceive ourselves as problems that need to be summed up and addressed so that we cease to be what? For to harsh a road to a beautiful palce, if you find it at the end. I am a gift and I get to live as one. I have many gifts and I am grateful for them. 

So my garden renovation will continue and I will show you when I am done, piece by piece until it is the patchwork it will turn into. I’d like a turret but they tell me that council might not like that….. Who knows! 

Happy day.

Sandy

PS just want to say I am grateful for  a mother to whom cleaning my floors recently and doing my dishes was a gift while I dug in the garden with my Dad. He had the patience of someone long practiced at doing, cutting up all the things that I had already pulled out so they could go in the bin. I am grateful for the gifts they are to my life. Just saying.